Levels of Grey
by Chatay
Summary: I can't really explain it. I didn't expect it ya know? But then things are never really black and white. Kensuke. Daiken.


Levels of Gray

Chatay

PG-13

One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or Gerontion, do own the rather weird plot.

AN: I'll warn you now, this is a rather odd piece created on a whim by my ever changing personality. I'm not overly sure what inspired it do to the fact that what I'm reading really had nothing to do with any of this. The poem quotes located in here are from Gerontion a piece by T.S. Eliot. Who also wrote 'The WasteLand' that Dragonflie is using in one of her works. Her story actually inspired me to go out and get some of T.S. Eliot's writing, which in turn somewhat led to this. Although the idea for the story came to mind long before I started to quote that particular poem. Take the story how you will, because it's meant to be taken that way. Enjoy!

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I didn't expect this ya know? I would say it definately destroys all barriers of logic, then again me and logic have never gotten along very well anyways. I don't believe in boundries and all that stuff. Too many restraints leads to too much pain. I mean that's why I'm here right now isn't it? Not that anyone is ever gonna understand it? It'll come as a surprise to them, a big huge frickin surprise. I don't wanna sound like a whiner here, because really I'm not. I'm not upset about my current situation, I'm not in pain. I'm not scared. I'm not worried. I'm just here. It's sorta nice for once to know you exist even if it is in a very fucked up way.

I've always walked a very fine line between insanity and reality. Just because I don't choose to express it in the usual stereotypical manner doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. I can be happy, it's not hard for me at all. All I really need is myself. Sure having friends and family is great, but its not something that I desperately need or anything. Well maybe family, but then again isn't that how I got here in the first place? Anyways that's not what matters right now, what I'm trying to get at here, is that not everything in this world is black and white. And that definately includes people.

I mean say you see someone who comes across as a very shy person, and you'd think they need to get out more. You might not know that they spend their weekends on the nudist beach. Say you meet someone who's totally off the wall and just a hyperactive ball of energy. You probably wouldn't know that they spend their nights wondering why the hell their here, you'd simply think they don't have a care in the world right? Personally, being one of those ball of energies here, it's really not that simple. Just cause I don't choose to spend the time to focus on all my fears and wants in life doesn't mean I don't have them. I might not care that I failed a test one day, or that I lost my lunch money to Miyako on some stupid bet, doesn't mean that it doesn't have round about consequences though. Do you get what I'm saying? You probably don't, not many people do. Hell, I don't even know if I do.

Death. I've thought about it too, I've also thought about cutting. What it would be like to take my own life, or what would happen if I died tommorow? I don't know if everyone thinks about those things or not, but I do. I'd like to think that most people do think about it, but they don't wanna tell anyone cause then someone would tell them something's wrong with them. I mean death is a part of life, so why is it so forbidden to think about it? Or to think what it feels like? Just cause I think about my own death, and sometimes what it would feel like to cause it, doesn't mean I wanna die. There was this one time, I was with some people at work. They were talking about how they were scared of flying, and didn't think they could ever do it. I just shrugged and said flyings the best way to die. You pass out before you die, no pain. They just stared at me with their shocked eyes and said 'God, that's morbid.' I never really did understand the point behind that statement, to me it was a simple reply, nothing depressing in my opinion. I mean we're all gonna die right? Well at least we should hope not to feel it should it be painful. Who knows, maybe it's not painful at all, I mean what the hell do I know? I'm still alive.

I suppose I'm getting a little off track here, but this is my reverie after all. I mean you didn't really expect something that was laid out like an essay or something did you? Anyways, you're probably wondering what I didn't expect huh? Well, I definately didn't expect to be here again that's for sure.

I remember Koushirou saying something once about how everything in the digital world is reformatted and comes back as another form someday. I also remember Takeru mentioning how there can be different planes of existence at one time. I also remember when Ken was explaining to me what trashcans are for on a computer, and that's lots of ways to get rid of information without really deleting it at the same time. I think that's sorta what happened here.

They told me this place so wasn't worth the visit and I'd have to say I agree. I mean not that everything is black and white here, but it is cold and a bit on the creepy side. I mean black light? What the hell is up with that? Not that it matters, I've never been a big fan of lighthouses anyways. Yet, that's preciously where I'm heading now isn't it? Well, what else am I supposed to do. It could be hours before they figure out what happened, if they figure out what happened considering I'm not really sure how to explain it myself.

My tour guide here sure isn't going to explain it to me. He wouldn't explain this to me if my life depended on it, which I'm sure in some round about way it does. Not that I'd ask him either, I have enough memories of people taunting me for my lack of perceiving the obvious. I really don't need to hear more. I mean his existence here is something that baffles me on my own, but I'm sure if Koushirou was here, he'd say it was due to the reformatting thing he talked about. But can something be reformatted into a different world? Then again this place does hold close ties to our world and the Digital World, and it some ways its kinda like the Digital World? Just a darker version ya know? Anyways, there I go again, getting off track, I think maybe it's like the Digital World's trashcan or something. It's a way for it getting rid of the data that doesn't need to be in the Digital World, but still needs to exist for some balance purpose or whatever.

Not that anyone would believe me if I bothered to explain that to them, although I'm sure that's what they'd tell me was happening. I mean how else can you explain it. Oh great, now we're going in the Lighthouse. Like the hell I wanna go in here. Normally I'd object to this, but I really don't feel like it. I mean if I run most likely he'll chase and then it gets pointless. At least if I'm here, maybe someone will find me. Although I still think that's a slim possibility. Hmmm... I'd expected it to be a black lightbuld too, looks a lot more grey than I expected. I think it's gonna be a while before I watch anymore of Ken's black and white movies.

Oh great, I get to sit. Just lovely, I guess it's better than walking. Yay, he's sitting too... I think his eyes are even creepier in black and white. I mean at least before the color was somewhat of a calming factor. Now its sorta like staring at stone, cold hard stone. Just lovely. I think he might just sit here and stare at me. I still haven't figured out the point to any of this and I'm sorta getting tired here.

"I'm bored," I mutter nonchalantly as possible. He continues to stare for a while more before glancing at the window. I glance too just out of pure curiosity, still just a bunch of grey. Guess they haven't figured it out yet.

"I have lost my passion," he states almost as nonchalantly as me. Like I couldn't of figured that one out here, I mean he's been quiet the whole way, so not like him. I mean the guy never misses a chance to insult me if he can.

I shrug and he continues, "So have you." Now that comment interests me, "How so?" I question.

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't. Here I am, an old man in a dry month. Being read to by a boy, waiting for the rain. My house is a decayed house," he whispers, totally on the creepy side there.

"Gerontion. I see you are bright as ever. However I fail to see the relation," I replied, feeling somewhat bold in the situation. Due to the fact that I recognized the quoted readings.

"This place, a place of darkness... Those who come here have lost all hope, all passion. So for you to be here, you have become like me."

His words unnerve me a bit, but yet at the same time don't. I mean it's not something I didn't already know. I mean how many years have passed now since we last met? Almost ten, I think. I think my appearance in this world surprise him no more than it does me. Everyone's moved on in the world, and I suppose in some ways I have as well. Miyako and Wallace are to be married in less than a month, which of course has Mimi running around in a frenzy with plannings. Koushirou is trying to keep his wife stable, while Taichi and Yamato are arguing with Hikari on what her baby should be named. Iori is off with Takeru touring the islands, and Jyou is his ever stable self making sure that he provides for his family. Which just happens to be my sister, I mean how wierd is that one? Oh, and Sora? I think Sora's finally might of met the one, although he hasn't taken the plunge yet. Well neither have I for that matter, but I think Ken would die from stress if I asked him now. Besides I don't wanna show up Miyako and Wallace.

"Maybe I have, I don't think it surprises either of us," I reply, as I crack my neck slightly. He nods somewhat in a quiet agreement. Then his eyes catches something in the distance and mine does as well. I mean the world is black and white, I stand out like a sore thumb. Its not unusual that they do as well.

"Weave the wind. I have no ghosts, " he whispers in that ever so lovely tone of his. So different, yet at the same time just the same. I suppose I never will understand how someone can be the same and so different at the same time. I suppose its just the situations. Everyone has potential for Light, Darkness and Inbetween, it just depends on the stuff that happens in their life. I mean everyone takes things differently, what may destroy one, may make another stronger. It all depends, really.

"I have ghosts. You're my ghost, my shadow. Although I don't think they'd ever believe that, but then again are you really here or just a manisfestation of what brought me here?" I ask, sounding way more intelligent than people give me credit for.

He shrugs, "I am whatever you see me as. I am merely here to open the doorway, for you see. No one can live in denial forever, and this world has decided to open your closet whether you choose to or not. Do you realize that?"

I frown, I definatley hadn't considered that one. I mean they wont' get the entire understanding of it all, but Ken will. Kari too. I mean they came here too. I can here their footsteps. I'm somewhat surprised that the digivice still works here, but I guess that makes sense this is the digital world's trash can after all. I sigh and stretch out on the bench at the stop of the backwards lighthouse.

"In memory only, reconsidered passion. Gives too soon, Into weak hands, what's thought can be dispensed with. Till the refusal propagates fear. Think..." he's leaving now, as I close my eyes, "Neither fear nor courage saves us," I finish for him as my head lolls to the side. Muted voices filled with fear and concern fill the small confinement. I could open my eyes for them, but I really don't feel like it.

I can feel arms around me, a warmth and kindness, they're shaking me. Begging me to open my eyes, but I don't want to. I feel a pair of fingers pressed to my throat and a whisper. It's getting kinda cold now and I can feel a jacket wrapped around me as I begin to shiver. I know as I feel myself picked up and the descent down the stairs begins, I know what comes next. I shift slightly in the arms that are holding me as we walk out into the cold, he knows I'm here, that I just don't want to open my eyes for unwanted questions. He knows me so well, I'm sure he guessed about what led me here long ago.

There's a surge of energy and I can feel us tumbling through a violent storm, but he lands on his feet with me carefully held. The other voices fade away as he urges their departure.

"Daisuke," he whispers quietly and I can feel the warmth of the sun. It's winter at home, we're in the Digital World, back into the light. He sits down on the soft grass, cradling me in his lap, as best as possible due to our sizes, "Daisuke, open your eyes," he urges and I feel a stab of guilt. The first emotion that has crossed my mind in the past couple hours.

"I have not made this show purposelessly... And it... is not by any concitation.. Of the backward Devils. I would meet you upon this honestly. I have lost my passion: why should I need to keep it? I have lost my sight, smell, hearing, taste... touch?" I whisper, still not opening my eyes.

"White feathers in the snow..." he whispers in a solemn reply as his hand brushes my cheek.

I open my maple eyes to stare into pools of indigo that hold no hint of disappointment or disgrace. I smile slightly and raise my hand to touch his cheek and he leans into the touch. He grabs a hold of my hand and kisses it softly.

"Neither fear nor courage saves us," he whispers as he bends down and captures my lips in a kiss.

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End file.
